i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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