u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
