Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
