You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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