I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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