So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
