Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
