you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
