Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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