at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
