Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
