i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
