I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
