therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
