I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
