hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
