I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
