He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
