lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
