How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
