dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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