try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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