He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
be right there i have to get my cape
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
