Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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