It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
