just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
