Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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