I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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