You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize