So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
