Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i will never coherently bang her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
