How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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