stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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