i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
