He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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