My brain says no but my pants say off.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
