The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
