guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
