does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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