I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
