I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just pee around me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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