dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
