It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize