I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize