Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I lost the right to judge tonight
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
