Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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