I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize