The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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