he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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