god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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