They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
