he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They have beer where we have blood.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
