and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
