Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
