and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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