I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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