I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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