It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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