Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Randomize