I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
