And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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