she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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