Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
