i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
