would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize