also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
