My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
