dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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