dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
