About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm like, not good at living.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize