If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
