I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
