i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
