she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
