Kiss
Puke
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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