I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize