I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
