I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
