that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
