someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
