my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
