I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize