Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
