someone threw a dead crab at me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I still have a little drunk in my system
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
