If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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