I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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