The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
