he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize