Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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