Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
