True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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