so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize