bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
