...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
