Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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