His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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