At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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