I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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