Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
then he tried to convert me to islam
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
