You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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