Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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