I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
time to smoke my breakfast
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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