Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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