a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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