I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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