I never want to see another naked old woman again.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
