I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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