Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
