If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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