WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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