A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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