I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Are we still banned from the library?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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